Category Archives: Homosexual Marriage

My coming out post

I’ve decided it’s time for me to come out.  I know, I probably look like I’m just jumping on the bandwagon, since coming out is all the rage these days.  But it’s actually a very personal decision to share these things with everyone.  And I want everyone to know how proud I am of myself for finally deciding to embrace this aspect of my personality, instead of trying to change and bury it as I have for so many years.

I want to start by saying that yes, I was born this way.  I know many will claim that I wasn’t born this way, it was a product of my upbringing or a choice, but I can assure you that I don’t choose to be this way.  I don’t choose to have these feelings and desires.  They are as natural as your desire to sleep or eat.  And I feel them daily.

Some of my family may not be surprised to hear this.  I’m sure some of them knew or suspected as I was growing up, because they spent so much time with me and could see some of the behaviors that indicate I was born with these traits.  I hope they don’t judge me too much.  I know they will still love me.  The fact is, this doesn’t change who I am at all.  I’m the same person I’ve always been.  I have the same feelings and urges.  I’ve just finally decided to stop suppressing them.  I shouldn’t have to change who I am to please anyone else.  I’m glad I’ve come to the realization that I can be who I was born to be, without worrying about being judged or looked down on for something I can’t control.

I also want to address those who would ask if I can just choose not to be who I am.  Really?  Have you ever tried not to be who you are?  It’s easy for you to judge when you’ve never struggled with something on a daily, hourly basis.  The fact is, I have tried to change.  For years I was taught that these natural urges were wrong.  I prayed for help to change.  I prayed for the desires to go away.  I set goals for myself to get through the day without these feelings surfacing.  I tried for years, and yet they were still there.  No matter what I did.  And it was hard!  Every single day I would try, and at the end of the day I would feel like a horrible person because I still wanted to act in a way that everyone around me said was wrong.  But not anymore!  Society has taught me that I should never try to change to please others.  I was born this way, and I’m going to live this way.  I should never have felt bad about myself.  I should never have expended all that effort trying to change who I am.  I am an amazing, bright, vibrant, happy person and I shouldn’t have to spend another minute of my life feeling guilt for just wanting to be myself.

I know this is right.  I’ve prayed for ‘help’ for so long, when all I was really praying for was for God to change who I am.  I’ve finally realized that God made me this way.  Why would He make me this way if He wanted me to be different?  He wouldn’t make people this way if it weren’t a beautiful, wonderful thing.  I feel so much closer to God now knowing that I’ve embraced myself the way He created me.  He loves me, and He will love me more for being true to myself instead of trying to please others who don’t understand.  I’m so much more at peace now, knowing I don’t have to suffer or work every day to try to please society, or my family, or God, by constantly acting in a way contrary to my nature.  

It has taken me almost twenty years to finally accept myself the way I should have always been.  I’m done trying to change.  I’m done trying to please others.  I’m done working every day to suppress my natural desires.  I’m glad I live in a world that has advanced so much toward protecting those who were born expressing themselves ‘differently’ than ‘normal’.  I’m glad I can be protected at my job, that I can be true to myself while interacting with co-workers and customers without any fear of punishment.  I may still be judged for my choices, for a while, but eventually the bigots and fear mongers will be silenced for good.

So I guess I should just come out already.  I am an impatient person.  I get angry quickly, I want to yell at idiots, I want to slap my kids, and I want to tell people when they are being dumb.  I have always been this way, I have always had these urges, and I’m tired of trying to hide it and act in a way that is ‘acceptable’ to old fashioned society.  

I am so Proud I can finally accept myself the way I was born and to finally live in a world that also accepts me!  Thank you for being a part of this.


It’s love, not hate

Let us agree that the following five points are true:

1. Christians believe that engaging in sex with a member of the same sex is sinful.

2. Christians believe that righteousness (following commandments) brings happiness.

3. Christians believe that sin brings misery.

4. If you love someone you want them to be happy.

5. If you hate someone you want them to be miserable.

So, how does one justify the claim that Christians hate homosexuals?  Christians with gay children often want them to change.  They support therapy to help individuals overcome unwanted same sex attraction.  They encourage laws that discourage homosexual behavior.  They fight school curriculum that teach homosexuality is equal to heterosexuality.

That is not hate.  It’s love.

They believe that happiness comes from being righteous, and that unhappiness comes from sinning.  So, any time they try to discourage others to ‘sin,’ it is because they want more happiness in their lives.

Whether or not they are right isn’t what is being debated here.  Homosexuals, of course, think that their lifestyle brings them happiness and that changing will not.  So they accuse anyone who disagrees with them of hate.  But where is the logic in claiming that a group that wants them to change is doing it because they hate them?

When has it ever been accepted that anyone who wants you to change hates you?

I have children.  I LOVE them.  I love them so much I can’t even begin to describe how I feel about them.  All I want for them is for them to be happy.

And yet… I limit their screen time.  I make my 6 year old do math and reading worksheets.  I make them bathe at least three times a week.  I don’t let them eat candy instead of dinner.  I don’t let my youngest children play in the woods alone.  I punish my sons when they scream or hurt their siblings.  I make them pick up their room, and I take away toys when they don’t.  I don’t let them do a ton of things that they want to do.  Things that would make them temporarily happy.  Things that they would definitely enjoy doing.  And I make them do other things that they hate doing.  Things that make them absolutely miserable.

And I’m trying to change them.  I’m trying to change them from selfish, irrational, hyper, loud, violent little creatures into young men and women that will speak kindly to everyone around them, think things through, put others before themselves, never lash out in anger and conduct themselves respectfully.

Why?  Because I love them.

They were born selfish.  Does that mean I should celebrate every selfish act they commit?  They were born with the desire to hit when someone makes them angry.  Should I encourage that behavior?  They were born screaming, and spent the next few years screaming every time they wanted something.  Should I teach them that is the natural way to get what they want?

The idea that loving someone means you should encourage and celebrate every choice they make is absurd.  It isn’t that way in any facet of our lives.  Why would I celebrate something I believe will lead someone to unhappiness?  If one of my children came to me and said they were going to live a gay lifestyle, I would be sad.  I would encourage them to try therapy.  I would ask if they were sure.  Because in my experience and exposure, the choice to live a gay lifestyle will not bring long term happiness.  I’ve seen the STD rates among homosexuals.  I’ve seen the divorce rates among homosexuals.  I’ve seen the frequency of substance abuse and sexual addiction among homosexuals.  And I’ve seen the happiness that comes from making different choices.  I would still love them with every ounce of myself, but I would hope they would make a different choice.  Because I want them to be happy. 

Now, in the world, as Christians conduct business and interact with people around them, they have the freedom to live their religious beliefs.  Those beliefs, whether or not you agree with them is irrelevant, usually include the Biblical belief that homosexual behavior is sinful, and that sin leads to unhappiness.  Some Christians, sure, are more ‘accepting’ and ‘loving.’  They would never dream of telling homosexuals that they are sinning.  I don’t understand why.  That seems like a much less loving position to take.  After all, telling someone that sinning is just fine as long as it is natural and makes them feel good, will simply lead to more sin.  And, therefore, more unhappiness.  (There are also people who claim to be Christian who say things like, “God Hates Fags.”  If a ‘Christian’ says something that is completely contradictory to everything in the Bible, can you do actual Christians a favor and not put them in the same category?)  Christians who express the belief that homosexual behavior is a sin are doing so to warn of what they believe are the natural consequences of sin.  If you were unknowingly driving toward a cliff, would you want someone to tell you to turn?  Who loves you more?  The person who says you should change, or the person who cheers you on in your path?

In every instance I’ve seen where people are accused of bigotry and hate, then sued for their intolerance, they have declined to celebrate a union they find sinful.  They have served homosexuals in the past.  They probably have gay friends or family, as I do.  They simply wanted to not be involved in a ceremony that celebrated and encouraged sin, or didn’t want to be a part of encouraging sinful behavior.  Because they hate gay people?  If they hated the gay people, don’t you think they would be celebrating their sinful behavior?  Don’t you think it would make them happy to see them solemnizing a relationship that would bring them misery?  That’s what hate means, after all.  You hate someone, you want them to be miserable.  You are going to encourage them to do something that you think will make them miserable.  If you love them, you would say something like, “I hope you can find someone else, but I just can’t be a part of this celebration.”

Which is what Christians do.  And the ones that fight against children being taught about homosexuality outside of the home are doing it because they love the children and don’t want them presented with sin as a viable, healthy, natural option.  Because they want them to be presented, instead, with choices that will make them happy.

If you love someone, you want them to be happy.

If you hate someone, you want them to be miserable.

Christians discourage homosexual behavior, and try to avoid involvement in any celebration of or encouragement of said behavior.

Christians do not hate homosexuals.

In which I explain how we ‘feel’ about gay people

It bothers me how much the word ‘hate’ is thrown around.  I don’t hate anyone.  I hang out with mostly conservatives, and no one I know just hates a random group of people.  I get asked a lot, though, how I ‘feel’ about gay people.  Like, family members who are gay, or what I would do if my kids were gay.  I usually don’t know what they mean when they ask those questions.  I ‘feel’ about gay people the way I feel about anyone else.  Kind of apathetic about who is having sex with who.  It doesn’t make any difference to me.  However, because people keep asking, I have been thinking about it, and came up with an analogy.  Which I will now share.

I know people who smoke, have hung out with people who smoked, and have plenty of extended family members who smoke (just as I have some family members who are homosexual).  I love them.  I think the same of them as any other member of my family.  My grandmother, who lived with my family for the last few years of her life, smoked.  I adored her!  I have wonderful memories of the time we spent together, mostly playing rummy on her bed, watching Jeopardy.  I would talk to her for hours after getting home from school.  I really miss her.

She smoked, and it was completely irrelevant.  It had nothing to do with the way I felt about her.  I still love her, I loved spending time with her, and wish she were still around to have met my husband and children.  I never, ever, felt disgusted by her.  I didn’t look down on her.  I wasn’t revolted by her.  I didn’t think I was better than her.

But, that’s what people think I feel about gay people.  Why?  Why do people assume I am revolted by, scared of, hateful toward, disdainful of, or self righteous toward gay people?  Because I fight to keep marriage defined as being between a man and a woman.  But, what does that have to do with how I feel about them?  Nothing.

Let’s say a movement began that would lead to, or had already led to, high school and elementary school children being taught that smoking is normal, healthy and a totally valid lifestyle choice.  There are probably plenty of smokers to think this.  I disagree.  I don’t want my children taught that.  There are plenty of smokers who live happy, full lives.  Who don’t regret their choice to smoke at all, and maybe even feel like their life is better for it.  That’s fine for them, but I still don’t want my children taught that.

Let’s say smokers started saying that they were sick of being separate but equal, and demanded that restaurants do away with smoking sections.  Everyone gets to do whatever they want, where ever they are.  Well, I would fight that.  Not because I hate smokers.  Because I think that restaurants should be able to choose whether or not to have smoking sections, and it’s okay to put them in a separate room.  (I do believe this, by the way.  Some states don’t allow smoking anywhere in public; I think that if a restaurant wants to have a smoking section, they should be able to.)

Usually when people smoke, they have friends or family who encourage them to quit.  Do you think this is because they hate them?  No.  Not at all.  It’s actually almost always because they care deeply for the person, and want them to have the longest, healthiest life possible.  When someone tries to change a gay person, it’s not because they hate them.  It’s because they think they could have a happier, fuller, healthier life if they changed their behavior.  Everyone is free, of course, to disagree with that.  But that is the way people like me feel.  Again, it’s the opposite of hate.

If my children started smoking, I wouldn’t love them any less.  I would adore them as much as I do now.  I wouldn’t think they were bad people.  I might be disappointed that they chose to smoke, but I wouldn’t shun them or shut them out.  I certainly haven’t done that with any of the current smokers I know.  Nor have I ever done that to any homosexual I know.

But, if smokers started regularly bringing their cigarettes to churches, lighting up, and then suing the churches when they were asked to please go outside, I would side with the church.  If, then, the government ruled that the smokers actually have more rights than the church to smoke where they want, including on church property, I would fight that.

Because I am disgusted by smokers?  No.  Because I think churches have the right to preach and practice what they want.

If someone was fired from General Mills for saying they thought smoking was a bad idea, and that non-smokers are healthier, I would respond by taking my business elsewhere.  Individuals should have the right to say what they believe.  If Target decided to donate money to groups putting on presentations extolling the virtues of smoking, I would question their judgement and think about shopping elsewhere. Because I hate smokers?  No.  Because I disagree with what they are supporting.

If a private charity placing adoptions for children decided not to place children in the homes of smokers, because they believe that secondhand smoke is dangerous and that children raised by smokers are more likely to also smoke and they think that’s not the most promising environment for children, I would support that.  If the government came in and demanded they change their policies or lose their tax exempt status, I would fight that.

Now, I would never, ever fight to make smoking illegal.  If someone wants to smoke in the privacy of their home, or in establishments where the owner is okay with them smoking, then more power to them.  I think people should be able to do whatever they want, by themselves, to themselves.  But if they wanted to teach my children that smoking is healthy, and force churches to allow smoking within its walls, or declare that it is illegal for someone to choose not to work in a smoking environment, or rule against individuals who have been sued for declining to work in a smoking environment, or declare that children need to be placed in homes with smokers or adoption agencies need to be shut down, then I will get involved.  Because I disagree with those things.

No one I know wants to make homosexuality illegal.  It used to be, yes, but it’s not anymore.  So move on, be happy with your partner, be happy that you are with the person you love and can commit your lives to each other.  Just leave the churches, schools and charities out of it.  Because once you start attacking those institutions, people will fight back.  It has nothing to do with hate.

Constitutionality and marriage

Seven years ago I became a wife.  Five years ago I became a mother.  Today, I became a Texan.  I couldn’t be happier!  This city is gorgeous, DMV employees are nice, the flags here are clean, and I actually ate a waffle in the shape of Texas.  I’m still a stay at home mom with my children.  Now, instead of staying home while my husband goes to school, I stay home while he studies for the Bar exam.  Which has led to some very interesting discussions on topics like marriage and abortion (I’ll do abortion next).  The general public are very set on their definitions of right and wrong, and really don’t stop to look at things like legality and constitutionality when declaring that it is ‘right’ to allow gay marriage and ‘wrong’ to stop someone from killing a baby.  But the focus of this post is marriage.

The fact is, you do actually have to examine things like Constitutionality.  Declaring something is a right does not make it so.

Did you know the supreme court has actually already had a ruling on marriage?  Yes, there is precedent of the Supreme Court saying they have a vested interest in limiting the definition of marriage.  Their reasons are pretty intense, too.  Stuff about establishing the basis of the family and strengthening the foundation of society.  Basically, they said everything that conservatives are saying now and liberals are dismissing.  Fortunately, the Supreme Court has to look at previous decisions and follow precedent.  Unless they want to overrule the previous ruling.  Which would be EXACTLY what I have said would happen, again to the scoffs and scorn of every liberal reading my blog.

Let’s just look at what they said.  I want to impress upon you that these words have meaning.  I am quoting from a Supreme Court ruling; these words are the law of the land, and will be until the Supreme Court overturns this decision.  This isn’t me, as an ‘extremist’, spouting bigotry or religious ramblings.  This is the law as it now stands.


No. 1261.Supreme Court of United States.

Argued December 9, 10, 1889.Decided February 3, 1890.

“Certainly no legislation can be supposed more wholesome and necessary in the founding of a 345*345 free, self-governing commonwealth, fit to take rank as one of the coördinate States of the Union, than that which seeks to establish it on the basis of the idea of the family, as consisting in and springing from the union for life of one man and one woman in the holy estate of matrimony; the sure foundation of all that is stable and noble in our civilization; the best guaranty of that reverent morality which is the source of all beneficent progress in social and political improvement. And to this end no means are more directly and immediately suitable than those provided by this act, which endeavors to withdraw all political influence from those who are practically hostile to its attainment.” (italics added)

“Marriage, while from its very nature a sacred obligation, is, nevertheless, in most civilized nations a 344*344 civil contract, and usually regulated by law. Upon it society may be said to be built, and out of its fruits spring social relations and social obligations and duties, with which government is necessarily required to deal.”

So, what was this case about?  Idaho was blocking polygamists from voting.  If you practiced polygamy, you couldn’t vote.

“Bigamy and polygamy are crimes by the laws of all civilized and Christian countries. They are crimes by the laws of the United States, and they are crimes by the laws of Idaho. They tend to destroy the purity of the marriage relation, to disturb the peace of families, to degrade woman and to debase man. Few crimes are more pernicious to the best interests of society and receive more general or more deserved punishment. ”

This was fought, as the LDS church felt that polygamy was an acceptable form of marriage.  The Supreme Court said, “No.”  Once it was the established law of the land the LDS church stopped practicing and instructed its members to follow the law.  And now there is another group again trying to change traditional marriage, with the decision working its way back up to the Supreme Court.  This is quite the conundrum, isn’t it?  If gay marriage goes before the Supreme Court, the only way they can allow it is by overturning this decision, making polygamy legal.

Military Chaplains and Gay Marriage

At this point I have addressed most of the major issues that have led me to be an unfailing conservative.  I have a pretty busy life, with three kids, and I didn’t start this blog with the intent of continually updating it.  I just went through and thoroughly documented my perspective on all the major issues, and I wanted to have that available to others.  Overall, my intent was  to explain that there are good reasons why Conservatives believe the things they do.  And to dispel common assumptions, like; conservatives are rich, and are simply conservative because they want to keep their money and keep the poor people poor, conservatives are racists, bigots, hate the working class, love war, hate the Earth, gay people and animals, cling to their Bibles, are Nazis wanting to force their morals on everyone else and are conspiracy theorists.  I don’t know if I have actually accomplished that, but that is my goal.

My most popular posts by far have been the posts dealing with homosexual marriage.  The discussion has shifted so much in the past couple of decades.  The argument used to be, “Just let us get married, it won’t effect anyone.”  Right?  “Just mind your own business, stay out of our bedrooms.”  (As though marriage has any effect on what happens in homosexual’s bedrooms.)  “My marriage to the person I love doesn’t have any effect on you.”  A lot of people believed it.  For years they just kept pounding away that it is nobody’s business, it doesn’t bother anyone, and that it’s fair.  People who said, “No, it will effect others, these things will happen” were laughed at, called ‘extremists’ and ‘bigots’, and everyone else was assured those things will never happen.

Well, now we’re seeing ‘those things’ happen.  And now the response is, “Who cares?”  The response is, “That’s okay.  There’s nothing wrong with that.”

The response now is:  There is nothing wrong with first graders being taught that gender isn’t genetic, it’s how you feel.  There’s nothing wrong with first graders being taught that people can fall in love with someone of the same gender.  There is nothing wrong with a school teacher recommending sites with gay pornography.  There is nothing wrong with teachers describing lesbian sex to students.  There is nothing wrong with teens being referred to resources such as Columbia University’s Web site Go Ask Alice, which explores topics like “doggie-style” and other positions, “sadomasochistic sex play,” phone sex, oral sex with braces, fetishes, porn stars, vibrators and bestiality. There is nothing wrong with books being recommended to school children with the following description: “Book after book after book contained stories and anecdotes that weren’t merely X-rated and pornographic, but which featured explicit descriptions of sex acts between preschoolers; stories that seemed to promote and recommend child-adult sexual relationships; stories of public masturbation, anal sex in restrooms, affairs between students and teachers, five-year-olds playing sex games, semen flying through the air,”  There is nothing wrong with giving condoms to 11 year olds.

This is a partial list, but feel free to read through everything else children these days are being exposed to in taxpayer funded schools:

If I’m a bigot for thinking this is wrong, so be it.  I will proudly take that label if it’s used to describe people who think children should not be taught these things .  I do not want my children exposed to half these things, and other half I want to teach them myself, when I think they are ready.  I think most of these things are revolting and wrong, and they are being opening taught as a direct result of the progress the GLBT lobby has made in normalizing their behaviors.  Children are being taught that nothing is indescent.  Nothing is wrong.  Nothing is immoral.  There are no standards.  In California and Massachusetts parents have been told that they cannot remove their child or receive notification because homosexual marriage is legal.

So, maybe you don’t have kids.  Maybe it doesn’t bother you that kids are being taught about bestiality and anal sex and the like.  What if you’re just a standard person, going about your life, and you suddenly find that your distaste for homosexual marriage has cost you your job or livelihood.  The case with Eliane Photography has received a lot of attention.  Eliane received a letter requesting she photograph a lesbian couple’s ‘commitment ceremony.’  She responded: “We do not photograph same-sex weddings. But thanks for checking out our site! Have a great day!”

Now, in this age of acceptance and equality, we can’t have that.  If a woman belongs to a religion that teaches homosexuality is wrong, and wants to choose not to be involved in a ceremony she finds immoral, then she should definitely be forced into it, right?  This is all about freedom.  Freedom to force people with outdated morals to accept, promote and be involved in things they believe are wrong.  This lesbian couple can’t just find a photographer that wants to photograph their wedding.  Nope, they sue.  Upon receiving the letter (the entirety of which you read) one said she felt, “”A variety of emotions,” she said, holding back tears. “There was a shock and anger and fear. … We were planning a very happy day for us, and we’re being met with hatred. That’s how it felt.”

This wouldn’t be a big deal, except that they sued, and the photographer lost.  Her right to practice her religion was trumped by ‘civil rights’.  And that’s the conclusion of the other side.  She should have lost, because she was breaking civil rights laws.  The manta, “Our marriage doesn’t effect anyone but us,” suddenly becomes, “You comply to our desires or you’re infringing our civil rights.”  This was just one of many instances.  Religious institutions are being sued for not letting homosexuals perform ‘marriage’ ceremonies on their property.  A doctor was sued for not performing artificial insemination for a lesbian.  A counselor was fired for not providing relationship counseling for a lesbian couple.  A private, religious, college was found to be violating civil rights when it didn’t allow homosexual couples in their married housing.  Gay ‘marriage’ advocates will pick each example apart and explain why each is okay.  It’s okay for the psychologist to loose her job.  It’s okay for the state to force religious colleges to change their policies.  It’s okay.  I simply believe it is not.  It is not okay to force religious individuals to perform acts they feel are immoral.  That’s what religious freedom is.