Monthly Archives: July 2014
I’ve decided it’s time for me to come out. I know, I probably look like I’m just jumping on the bandwagon, since coming out is all the rage these days. But it’s actually a very personal decision to share these things with everyone. And I want everyone to know how proud I am of myself for finally deciding to embrace this aspect of my personality, instead of trying to change and bury it as I have for so many years.
I want to start by saying that yes, I was born this way. I know many will claim that I wasn’t born this way, it was a product of my upbringing or a choice, but I can assure you that I don’t choose to be this way. I don’t choose to have these feelings and desires. They are as natural as your desire to sleep or eat. And I feel them daily.
Some of my family may not be surprised to hear this. I’m sure some of them knew or suspected as I was growing up, because they spent so much time with me and could see some of the behaviors that indicate I was born with these traits. I hope they don’t judge me too much. I know they will still love me. The fact is, this doesn’t change who I am at all. I’m the same person I’ve always been. I have the same feelings and urges. I’ve just finally decided to stop suppressing them. I shouldn’t have to change who I am to please anyone else. I’m glad I’ve come to the realization that I can be who I was born to be, without worrying about being judged or looked down on for something I can’t control.
I also want to address those who would ask if I can just choose not to be who I am. Really? Have you ever tried not to be who you are? It’s easy for you to judge when you’ve never struggled with something on a daily, hourly basis. The fact is, I have tried to change. For years I was taught that these natural urges were wrong. I prayed for help to change. I prayed for the desires to go away. I set goals for myself to get through the day without these feelings surfacing. I tried for years, and yet they were still there. No matter what I did. And it was hard! Every single day I would try, and at the end of the day I would feel like a horrible person because I still wanted to act in a way that everyone around me said was wrong. But not anymore! Society has taught me that I should never try to change to please others. I was born this way, and I’m going to live this way. I should never have felt bad about myself. I should never have expended all that effort trying to change who I am. I am an amazing, bright, vibrant, happy person and I shouldn’t have to spend another minute of my life feeling guilt for just wanting to be myself.
I know this is right. I’ve prayed for ‘help’ for so long, when all I was really praying for was for God to change who I am. I’ve finally realized that God made me this way. Why would He make me this way if He wanted me to be different? He wouldn’t make people this way if it weren’t a beautiful, wonderful thing. I feel so much closer to God now knowing that I’ve embraced myself the way He created me. He loves me, and He will love me more for being true to myself instead of trying to please others who don’t understand. I’m so much more at peace now, knowing I don’t have to suffer or work every day to try to please society, or my family, or God, by constantly acting in a way contrary to my nature.
It has taken me almost twenty years to finally accept myself the way I should have always been. I’m done trying to change. I’m done trying to please others. I’m done working every day to suppress my natural desires. I’m glad I live in a world that has advanced so much toward protecting those who were born expressing themselves ‘differently’ than ‘normal’. I’m glad I can be protected at my job, that I can be true to myself while interacting with co-workers and customers without any fear of punishment. I may still be judged for my choices, for a while, but eventually the bigots and fear mongers will be silenced for good.
So I guess I should just come out already. I am an impatient person. I get angry quickly, I want to yell at idiots, I want to slap my kids, and I want to tell people when they are being dumb. I have always been this way, I have always had these urges, and I’m tired of trying to hide it and act in a way that is ‘acceptable’ to old fashioned society.
I am so Proud I can finally accept myself the way I was born and to finally live in a world that also accepts me! Thank you for being a part of this.